It seems that just as we have waved Christmas goodbye and dusted off the tinsel for another year; we are already being thrown headlong into the first celebratory event of 2011, that of Love and desire!
On the 14th of February each year some of us choose to celebrate Valentines Day. On this day we may send our sentiments of love; whether secret or declared love, to individuals all over the world and this may be a beautiful and rewarding gesture to those of us with significant others.
For some however it is a spotlight on, loss, loneliness and even failure, and
with this in mind it brought our thoughts around to reflecting on “what is relationship?
We see people often freefalling into a relationship without really thinking about what it truly entails and what it might bring, or considering what does this relationship look like or how does it work; as the irritations, extended families, the ups and downs of life all can have an impact on living happily ever after.
Relationships do have structure to them and often need to be nurtured, and cared for, and not by the “you do this and I do that” but by the understanding and acceptance that “we do this and we do that”. Importantly recognising that ‘our relationship’ is a collective combination of you and me, and recognising that mutually we have to become the caretakers of our relationships and sometimes this may mean taking stock and recognising that things can’t continue as they are.
We often counsel couples who have lost the ‘us’ part, which is essential to a good relationship, as the peaks and troughs of everyday living often attribute to our inability to recognise when our significant partnerships are in danger of drifting apart. We also counsel people, who are in the final stages of leaving a relationship, find it hard to stay in relationship or have just come out of relationship and counselling can help to understand the pitfalls and individual requirements that maybe needed for a stronger and more balanced future with someone.
So this year, if your concerned about not being in the perfect relationship and it feels almost that “love is in the air everywhere you look around” our advice is to celebrate Valentines Day maybe in a different way, and nurture ‘relationship’ also in its wider context.
Whether that is with family, significant friendships or importantly yourself,
we wish you a Happy Valentines Day!
Helen & Monica